“you can get so confused that you’ll start in to race down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace and grind on for miles across weridish wild, space, headed, i fear, toward a most useless place. the waiting place…for people just waiting. waiting for a train to go or a bus to come, or a plane to go or the mail to come, or the rain to go or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow or waiting around for a yes or a no or waiting for their hair to grow. everyone is just waiting. waiting for the fish to bite or waiting for wind to fly a kite or waiting around for friday night or waiting, perhaps, for their uncle jake or a pot to boil, or a better break or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants or a wig with curls, or another chance. everyone is just waiting. no! that’s not for you!” (dr. seuss: oh, the places you’ll go!)
i feel like i spend a lot of my time waiting for the timing to be just right. for anything, really. and you know what ends up happening? i end up waiting and waiting and waiting. because the timing is almost never perfect for anything. something is always going to be not quite right. then i obsess over the not quite right until it doesn’t even matter anymore.
i stopped blogging a few months back because i felt like i was aiming too much for perfection. i was trying to make everything just right. i was trying to be what i saw so many other people be. and those things were (are) good things. i felt inspired, but mostly i felt jealous and bad about myself. and that’s my issue. i’d never want to stop anyone from creating or writing or blogging or singing or whatever, just because i subsequently compared myself and then came up short. but for me, i just needed to step away for a bit. i needed to realize that life still happens and i can appreciate it, even when i don’t blog about it.
but i do enjoy blogging. i enjoy writing and creating. i enjoy being inspired by a beautiful day, or a not so beautiful day, good conversation, my kids, the unexpected…and using that to fuel a post. i enjoy creating something totally different from what inspired it, even if i’m the only one who knows it.
i recently read something by another mommy blogger who answered this question from one of her readers: is life really that perfect? she said that no, of course life is not that perfect. but she likes to write happy things and post things that will be positive and make people smile. that doesn’t mean that her life is all sunshine and cupcakes all the time, though. i liked that answer. i liked it even more that her blog truly does reflect that. while her posts are usually upbeat and light, they are still real. which is what i appreciate.
i don’t want to come across as perfect (feel free to slap me in the metaphorical face if i do). because that’s not real. but i do want to highlight the good. because there is much of it, no? in the past, i’ve perhaps confused the good with the perfect, which isn’t necessarily so. good can still be real. hard days are also real, and crappy days and sad days. those are, in fact, probably the most real. so while i intend to blog the good, hard, crappy and sad…i hope to keep it always positive. but mostly, real. and real is relative. what’s real for me may not be real for you. but that’s the point. i can’t be worrying and waiting and comparing, because the moment will then be gone.