…are the days, I’m sure, were some of the best. When the first nap of the day began at 8am and when I was cute no matter what, even if I was sitting in my own poop. Now nap time consists of playing catch up and trying to make sweats and a messy bun cute.
I look at Evelyn and Theo wish they could remember these days. Not just because they are carefree, but because I want them to know how I saw them. How much I loved them, at each stage. How much their little quirks made me laugh, and their little smiles made me smile.
Today was a day I don’t particularly want to remember. One thing after another just seemed to go wrong. But, we’re here. We’re OK. I feel like finding contentment is a common theme here on my blog. Something I find that I have to, need to, keep coming back to.
The days I don’t remember are the ones I wish I could. Carefree, but more important, content. To get back to the days I don’t remember, I’ll watch and learn from Evelyn and Theo in their days they won’t remember, either.
I use that line as if I’ve read that book. But, at a loss to myself I’m sure, I haven’t. I’m using it as a reminder that I need to read Kerouac!
Despite that, the literal title is applicable yet again to my life. We are on the road and on the move once more. We are headed right back to where we came from only 7 months ago. 7 months that have gone, just like that, and included the birth of our second child, the 2nd birthday of our first child, nights at the soccer park, countless mornings at the pool and parks, lots of humidity, fun field sessions and intimate newborn sessions, a downtown family session of our own and one ER visit, hopefully the last!
It’s crazy, and a little bit sad, to be sitting here knowing that in just a few short days, we’ll be leaving this place, unsure of if we will be back. Leaving this place that is home to Evelyn, that is the place where we brought Theo home from the hospital, where we’ve fought and lived and loved our first couple years as a family. But that’s life, isn’t it? You grow up, you move on, you live life and you just roll with it. But that doesn’t mean I’ll forget the good times we’ve had here, and more importantly, the good people this place has brought into my life.
This move also brings the need for a shout out to Baltimore people to spread the word if you would be so kind. Anyone up that way that wants to have me shoot them, holler
Early Halloween pics. Got this idea from Mom*tog to do them before Halloween where I can control the location and light to make sure I get cute pictures in their costumes. Now if only my little man would learn to sit up on his own! Ev was having one trying to hold him up, he probably weighs almost as much as her
There is so much I don’t know how to do. So much I wish I was better at. So much time to fill with two little people that I sometimes feel like we’re wasting away, yet at the same time I blink and she’s almost 3. There’s so much longing within me to create and produce and accomplish! I want to be the next best thing. Yet as I sit here and long, life continues in a straight line. She really is almost 3. Maybe the things I long for are things that I can actually do, just a lot more simply than I imagine. Or maybe I’m already doing them. Or maybe I just need that push to do them, and it won’t be as hard as I think. What’s the difference between who actually is the next best thing, and those (me) who long to be? They probably don’t write blog posts about wanting to be the next best thing.
I’m writing because I feel really empty. Maybe that’s because I’m writing from a place that is literally empty. Stark. I don’t even know if what I’m writing makes any sense, but I guess that’s why I’m doing it. Flush it out. Something will eventually come of it. Because what’s even more certain is this: nothing will come of doing nothing. Nothing will come from always waiting. Start somewhere. Start something.
Miss E + Miss E…