Cedar Lane Farms is like many developments you’ve probably seen; lots of new, beautiful homes amidst a lot or two that is still being built. There are two or three types of models, with the owners perhaps picking out a different shutter color to distinguish them from the rest. Freshly manicured laws. A Mercedes in one driveway.

Evelyn and I sometimes walk in Cedar Lane Farms. It sits across the busy street from our simple, yet clean and efficient apartment. This morning, I found myself playing make believe as I pushed her in her baby carrier, the one that snaps into the stroller and what infants are supposed to be carried in. Yet, she insisted. Her feet hang way over the edge and she’s clearly much too big, but I guess she was playing her own game of make believe, too.

So, I pushed her, remembering the days when she actually did fit, and let my mind wander as we passed the alternating brick and stone houses. I wondered about the people living in these homes, whether they were happy. I pretended we lived in one, probably the stone, with a balcony over the front stoop, with white trim. A backyard that I can actually let Evelyn play in. And then a thought crossed my mind…where’s the fun and adventure in that? Now, trust me, the day we own a home and live somewhere more than half a year, I will not be complaining. But, this all too familiar white picket fence with a wrap-around porch fantasy I was playing in my head, well, maybe that can wait.

If you’ve read my blog before, I think you’ll know that one of my struggles is contentment. As a girl, and as an adult, I want it to be tomorrow when it’s today. It’s like I’m always waiting to “make it,” whatever that means. When the day comes for us to settle down a bit more, I’m sure it will be exciting, with lots of perks, not to mention lots more bills.

But, for now, bring on the adventures.

Two of my favorite pictures from the adventure in England last Christmas, with two of my favorite people…

If I’m really honest, I went to bed last night, and woke up this morning, struggling to feel very grateful. This changed when I woke up and saw that we slept the entire night with a completely unlocked door. Having just saw an article rating Baltimore as being the top 11^th city for violent crimes, I was less than thrilled to have become aware of this little oversight of ours. But then I realized, we’re OK. Nothing happened. It could’ve, but God protected our little family. I was grateful knowing we are not the only ones looking out for ourselves.

This morning, not much has changed in terms of why I was feeling so discouraged yesterday. Things just didn’t go as I planned; prior to yesterday I was feeling good about how we were paying all our bills, being responsible financially, and even able to save some each month. Then yesterday happened. My car needs an unexpected, expensive fix that I felt just put us back at square one. I am my father’s daughter when it comes to finances; it stresses us out, probably more than most things. This threw a wrench in my day, in my thoughts, in my outlook. I cried for most of the afternoon, feeling totally overwhelmed and hopeless. I then started comparing myself to my friends, family, and complete strangers who have more money. Why can’t we just have their bank account or their luck? Life would be so much less complicated, and it would be so easier to be thankful, wouldn’t it? My downward spiral had started, and once I get going I am the queen of pessimism.

Yesterday, despite my attitude, I knew the truth. I knew that despite these little inconveniences, we have a lot to be grateful for. I just wasn’t feeling it. Therein lies the problem. It’s not about how I feel. My feelings change every five minutes; it’s about what I know to be true. What is true in my life is that I have a husband who sees the good in everything; and reminded me gently yesterday as I feverishly scrubbed the high chair that we can’t be truly grateful for the good times if we don’t ever experience some hardships. He then went on to tell me that since I already knew that I was getting a new car ignition for Christmas, what was he getting? He always knows just how, and just when, to make me laugh. Another truth in our lives: a beautiful, spunky, yes sometimes even disobedient daughter. But she’s the greatest little gift we’ve ever created, and received. The truth is that my dad, who knows exactly how I feel and exactly how this affects me, reminded me yesterday on the phone through my tears that God is good. And then prayed for me. It’s the fact that my mom told me she loves me minutes later. It’s the realization that my daughter is sitting here eating Cinnamon Toast Crunch with a butter knife. OK, maybe that’s not a truth, but it makes me laugh, and so grateful that she is who she is.

Sometimes I think God has a sense of humor, allowing these annoyances to happen two days before Thanksgiving. Maybe it’s so I am forced to take a step back, given the time of year that it is, and realized these easy forgotten truths that so easily get faded into the background when I allow them to.

Friends, despite your circumstances, in light of your circumstances, what are you grateful for today?

One of my favorite pictures of Evelyn at 6 months. A great depiction of her personality!